My Journey with Mental Health: From Struggles to Advocacy

My name is Sudarshan Pyakurel. I’m a social worker by profession and currently serve as the Executive Director of the Bhutanese Community of Central Ohio. Today, I want to share a personal story that has shaped me in profound ways—my journey with mental health.

It all began during my childhood. I survived a life-threatening accident, and shortly afterward, the ethnic cleansing in Bhutan started, forcing my family and me into an uncertain and difficult life. These early experiences left me anxious and fearful, and those feelings followed me for years.

After a two-year gap from school, I returned, but I was constantly overwhelmed with anxiety. Exams were particularly tough for me. Before every exam, I’d find myself needing to go to the restroom multiple times—my body reacting to the stress in ways I didn’t understand. During exams, I’d feel so light, as if I might float away. Keeping myself grounded took a huge effort, which meant I could never complete more than 60-70% of my papers. My parents and teachers saw my potential, but my exam results never reflected that, leading them to think I was careless.

My brother, who taught at the same school, felt embarrassed by my struggles. He believed I was bringing shame to our family name. Outside of academics, I struggled with sports as well. I couldn’t track objects in the air accurately, which made games like football or volleyball difficult for me. This sense of inadequacy isolated me, and I spent most of my time reading books and analyzing things on my own. Despite these challenges, by the time I reached 10th grade, I discovered a strength in public speaking and making arguments, which helped me gain confidence in other areas of life.

I pursued a master’s degree in India, but despite my academic achievements, I still felt unfulfilled. When I moved to the United States, my mental health struggles began to unravel further. While pursuing my undergraduate degree at Ohio State University, I had a severe anxiety attack during a statistics exam, which led me to the emergency room. It was then that I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, specifically related to exams. Later, I was also diagnosed with ADHD.

This revelation was both heartbreaking and liberating. For the first time, I understood the root of my lifelong struggles. With support from student disability services and accommodations during exams, my performance significantly improved. My GPA soared, and I completed both my undergraduate and graduate degrees in the 90th percentile. It was a stark contrast to my past academic experiences, and I couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of sadness when I thought about my childhood struggles.

But even though I had made progress academically, my mental health journey was far from over. In my twenties, I experienced cycles of anxiety and depression. The early years in the U.S. were incredibly challenging, and I didn’t have the words or the courage to talk about what I was going through. Mental health was taboo in my family and community, and they assumed I was simply having trouble adjusting to life in America.

During this time, I worked at a bakery factory, where I struggled with delusions. I believed the man in the cowboy hat who watched me was my boss, but when I realized the real boss looked different, I was terrified. This heightened my anxiety, and I eventually left the job, taking on a truck driving position to save money and cope with my mental state. The solitude of long drives gave me some relief from the depression.

While waiting for my green card, I enrolled in community college, which reignited my passion for education. At Ohio State, I dedicated myself to learning about mental illness and had the opportunity to participate in mental health research in the community. During my graduate studies, I underwent thorough mental health testing and was diagnosed with PTSD, ADHD, and anxiety. These diagnoses helped me make sense of the ongoing battles I had faced throughout my life.

Understanding my mental health challenges also opened my eyes to the issues faced by others in the Bhutanese-Nepali community. Mental illness and suicide were rampant, yet rarely discussed. This realization inspired me to become a lifelong advocate for mental health. I have since been involved in numerous research projects and served on various committees, including as a Lived Experience Mental Health Consultant with the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and as a member of the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) steering committee. I’ve also contributed to the White House Initiative on Asian Americans, Native Hawaiians, and Pacific Islanders (AANHPI).

For me, yoga, meditation, and therapy have become lifelines. I rely on these practices to maintain my mental health. Regular meditation, a simple routine, and staying connected to nature help me cope with anxiety and depression. I avoid loud environments, keep a simple diet, and surround myself with positive people. Travel is another passion of mine—I’ve been to 21 countries across both hemispheres, and exploring new places brings me peace and joy.

I am also deeply committed to working with youth through organizations like the New American Youth Mental Health (NAYMH). Although I’m no longer a youth myself, I feel a deep connection to their struggles, and I hope no young person has to endure what I went through. My involvement with NAYMH allows me to channel my passion into helping others, ensuring that the next generation has the support they need to thrive.

I hope my story resonates with you, and I encourage you to share your own. Together, we can break the stigma around mental health and build a safer, more compassionate world for everyone.

Let’s spread the word about mental illness and create a community where it’s safe to talk, share, and heal.